Can I Do Without The Spanking?

I was spanked once or maybe twice as a kid. I vaguely remember it. I was pretty lucky that my parents hardly did any spanking. It just wasn’t their way to discipline us.

But now that I’m a parent, I’m in a crossroad. Should I spank my kids when the time comes? Or can I do without the spanking?

Spanking Does Not Make It Any Better

There are still a lot of parents that think spanking is a good way to discipline their kids. I have met parents that believe in spanking. So now that I’m a new mom, I’m wondering if it really is the best way to discipline kids. This quandary led me to learn more about parenting. In the process, I came across this resource that really got me thinking.

Dr. Ari Brown, a pediatrician, gave some eye-opening thoughts on spanking.

“Many of us were spanked as children but that doesn’t make it okay.”

Dr. Brown points out that we, parents, are our children’s model. Everything we do is imitated by our children.

“… using physical force is the last thing you want your child to imitate …”

Such physical acts like “ spanking, hitting, or kicking” actually leaves a message that it’s acceptable to “express frustration by force”. Here’s another startling fact about spanking. Children that have been spanked manifest a more aggressive behavior than children that weren’t spanked at all.

The Concept Of Discipline

Discipline is taught to children. We, parents, have to patiently teach our kids the concept of discipline. We do this by reminding and by modeling the right behavior as well. That concept totally contradicts the discipline method of spanking.

With spanking, the child becomes scared of his parents. On top of that, the child thinks it’s natural for his parents to hurt him if he makes a mistake. That’s definitely not the right concept of discipline.

Spanking does not show the child how to behave accordingly and most especially, does not explain why there are rules. Clearly, spanking does not do anything but harm the child.

“The best discipline methods to teach children that there are natural consequences for poor behavior.”

A More Positive Discipline Method

Spanking is a poor parenting choice. But unfortunately, some parents resort to this. I don’t want to make this mistake. Although I know it’s going to be hard.

“If you feel like you’re losing your cool, take a step back and take a deep cleansing breath.”

Nothing beats taking a deep breath. That and counting up to ten or maybe even up to 20. The point is we need to show the children that we are patient with them.

I know there will be times when I will lose my patience with my kids. But I will definitely do without the spanking to get the right message across. This is one positive discipline method that I will hang on to.

Advice For New Moms

parenting-styleBecoming a new mom is not easy. You are always groping in the dark for tips and advice, hoping you can carry them out well. Every waking moment, you stop and ask yourself, “Am I doing the right thing?”  The anxiety just doesn’t end.

Such is the reason there is a big fuss about the new breed of mothers. These new breed of mothers are coming out with their own kind of parenting formula. So now, you have various mothers claiming to be the following:

  • Tiger Moms
  • Dolphin Moms
  • Lion Moms
  • Teddy Moms

As a new mom, you would really wonder as to which kind of parenting style is applicable to you.

The Tiger Mom

Amy Chua’s book, Battle of the Tiger Mother, has been making waves. This has sparked the curiosity of almost every mom around. Seeing how successful Amy Chua is as a mom, it’s not surprising that new moms are looking into this kind of parenting style.

“The Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mom is about being strong, fierce, and uncompromising about high expectations.”

Below is a list of things that a Tiger Mom does not allow her kids to do:

  • Attend a sleep over
  • Have a playdate
  • Watch television or play computer games
  • Get any grade lower than A+
  • Play any instrument other than the piano or violin

Suffice it to say, this particular kind of parenting style has gotten some strong reactions. But in spite of that, this particular kind of parenting style is described as as a loving and caring.

“It’s got to be high expectations coupled with love and listening.”

The Dolphin Mom

Erika Christakis, an early childhood educator, is a Dolphin Mom. She patterns her parenting style to the playfulness of a dolphin.

“There’s a bit of a misconception about play. Oh yes, it’s really nice and if you want your kids to be happy and well-adjusted well, you know, let them play … actually, it has real cognitive benefits and those have been well-established for decades.”

As a Dolphin Mom, Erika Christakis stresses:

“You can be a strong parent just as a dolphin is actually a top predator and a carnivore and quite a tough animal. You can be a strong parent and not literally devour your children with your own rather narrow  defined expectations.”

The Lion Mom

Lucy Danziger is the editor-in-chief of Self Magazine. She depicts another kind of breed called Lion Mom.

“A Lion Mom is often busy…hunting or taking care of the whole pride. But the cub is in a very secure place … free to find their own way.”

She describes freedom as an vital component of her parenting style:

“I gave total freedom, not freedom to misbehave but freedom to find your own thing.”

The Teddy Mom

While Juju Chang was raised by a Tiger Mom, she confesses to be a Teddy Mom. This particular kind of parenting style is more forgiving.

With all these new parenting styles evolving, you now have more tips and ideas to follow. But the most important thing to consider in choosing a particular parenting style is how to customize it to your own needs. While the Tiger Mom style seems promising, you should be able to know when it’s time to listen and just be a plain mom to your kids.

How Much Should Your Child’s School Allowance Be?

child-school-allowanceResearch says that six out of ten parents give their children allowance for school. How much money to give them per week is dependent on their ability to handle money matters. Children’s attitude towards money differ from each other. Children who grew up saving in piggy banks keep a certain portion of their allowance regularly while others who are used to spending a lot come up with empty pockets at the end of the week.

There are several ways to determine how much money to give a child per week. Some recommend giving a child 50 cents for each year of age while others say a dollar a year will do. The amount is also be dependent on the capacity of the parents to give weekly allowances.

Another method is by asking the child what he needs to buy on a daily basis like food or refreshments. Since their school rides are free and school materials are provided for, they only have to spend on food. In this way, the parent can compute how much they will need to buy snacks for the day.

Extra money for children can also come in the form of payment for chores. Although this should not be the case all the time since children can get the notion that all house chores should be paid. There are special chores that can be rewarded with money like cleaning out the garage or an extensive yard work. All the rest of the usual chores such as folding clothes, doing the dishes, and the like are to be done without payment.

The key to an effective “money allowance” system is consistency. Parents ought to set rules as to when allowances should be given, how much, and what it covers. In this manner, children will know how to budget their money.

More than giving allowances, the parents must also introduce the concept of saving money and buying only what is necessary. By trusting the children to handle money, parents are building their confidence in decision-making. The child becomes more responsible, a vital trait in the adult years.